I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
