i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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