this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
