once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
