you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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