i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
one two three fourrrrnication!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
