Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
false alarm, still single
Randomize
