She said her name was "party"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
