i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
