The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
