FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize