she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You left your underwear on the fireplace
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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