when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
