good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
