If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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