I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
then he tried to convert me to islam
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
