im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
