I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Randomize
