I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
