I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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