a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
