legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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