Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
