Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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