so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
