And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I stole a fireplace last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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