Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
