oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
