I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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