My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
