Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
