In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
