apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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