He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it penis luge time yet?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
