Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
