i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
