If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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