I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
