Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
