i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
