Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize