I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
