I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He better not be in your backpack
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
