im drinking this country out of the recession.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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