in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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