just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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