so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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