Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
