apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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