they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
