I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
