That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
