I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
