How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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