He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, beer. Big fan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
