you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We are two peas in an std pod
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
