After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
