Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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