watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The ass gains better be worth it
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