Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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