When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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