woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
