does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize