It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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