I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The air taste purple.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
