Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
