What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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