i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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