Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How's work?
Spinning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
