so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
