Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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