susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
