Barsexuality is the new black.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
